The Gallery - Birth - Controversial , why?

I never thought that the birth of my children would be controversial - to be honest I never realised that Elliotts had been the source of conversation until I was pregnant with Sam, when everyone suddenly felt as though their opinion on the mater should not only be heard but also be the ONLY opinion I should hold.

If you are wondering why their births were so controversial then here goes......"my name is Alice and I had an independent midwife"!!!! SHOCK HORROR, alert the press we went OUTSIDE of the NHS!

For anyone who is unsure, an independent midwife is effectively a private midwife employed directly by us and who looks after every aspect of our care from pregnancy up to 4 weeks after birth. If you are seeing a hospital consultant or going for scans etc your midwife can come along with you, if you wish. She is always on the end if the phone 24/7 and if you opt for a homebirth, as we did, she will deliver your baby and if you choose to give birth in a hospital she will be right by your side - This is very simplified so for more info check out http://www.independentmidwives.org.uk/

The first thing I should point out is that we are not wealthy, stepping outside the NHS for us wasn't a case of being "too good" for the NHS and in fact with my first pregnancy I didn't even know that independent midwives existed until I was 28 weeks pregnant and had reached breaking point!

From my very first appointment with my NHS midwife the simple homebirth I had hoped for seemed a unrealistic dream. I was asked which hospital I would like to give birth in, I replied that I would like to try to have a homebirth and was met with the reply "yes but lets be realistic, which hospital are you going to go to?" Things from this point seemed to spiral from my control, I was passed to consultant led care for being "high risk" and to this day I don't know really why. I was seen by a consultant, an anesthetist, 3 midwives and when I was diagnosed with SPD a physio and all of these people had differing opinions on my care during the birth but none of them were talking to each other and no-one was actually telling me what was the plan if things continued to go as they were - I was told everything from being high risk of a section and needing to have an epidural as soon as I went into labour like it or not to needing to be induced early - every time I asked a question I was told they would wait and see, which for an anxiety sufferer is NOT something I can cope with.

By the time I was 22 weeks we were looking at private hospitals, which we just couldn't afford and then at 28 weeks someone told me about independent midwives and I contacted Sally.

From that first conversation with her my stress elevated and we decided that she was the direction we wanted to go in and from the moment we made that decision we knew it had been the right one for US. By the time Elliott was born I felt relaxed, safe and secure and I got my homebirth! 7 hours 40 minutes, gas and air no hospital required!



Sally weighing Elliott


A year later, on Elliotts first birthday, Sally was a part of our family and we were honoured that she agreed to become Elliotts Godmother



So nearly 2 years after Elliotts birth we find we are expecting Sam and the subject of whether we have Sally again comes up. Our natural instinct is to say "yes" but finances are tight and do we seriously consider the NHS option?

Well our decision was still yes because our local hospital is Queens in Romford, whose maternity department was not only was under investigation but while under investigation not only had to accept responsibility for the death of a mother and her baby but also 4 others! The department has good, hard working people working in it but it is over stretched and mistakes were being made. To cut a long story short during the course of my pregnancy we met 3 local NHS midwives, 2 of whom worked at Queens, and a lady who worked in the maternity department of the hospital, in another capacity, and upon hearing that we had an independent midwife they all said versions of the same thing "that's the best decision you could have made!" - in fact the lady who worked in the department was originally from outside of the UK and also pregnant and she was planning on returning to her native country to give birth rather than risk the hospital she worked in.

We felt that again we were taking the best option for us and our family but then the controversy kicked in! Up until I gave birth to Sam I was accused of, hating the NHS and thinking I was too good for the NHS, I was accused of thinking I was better than others so wanted private care, I was also told that having an independent was plainly wrong regardless of my reasons and I should have NHS care. It was almost as though I came up against reverse snobbery!

I am a huge advocate of women's right to choose how they wish to give birth and I went on a birth rally in London that aimed to improve NHS maternity care for women and their babies. I don't hate the NHS or think having a baby on the NHS is beneath me or my family but no-one can deny that the NHS is struggling and if my not being in it helps and I feel more secure by doing it then I honestly feel as though its a win win situation right now for all involved.

In the end I had another wonderful homebirth with Sam if nit slightly odd because by this time Sally was a really great friend and my other friend also was present so it was as though my friends had come over for a cup of tea and while they were there I had a baby!





Oh and just a note Sally has been such an amazing Godmother to Elliott we have asked her to be Godmother to Sam also!




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LWM2B - Sticky Fingers Challenge!!!!

Following on from my previous post about getting a bit more pro-active on Elliott's boredom and behaviour I have been having a think and I am not the only mum that is in the same boat and so I think I am going to try and start my own version of  "The Gallery" ( http://stickyfingers1.blogspot.com/2010/02/photography-is-my-thing-my-love-my.html ) for fellow blogging mums to join in with each week to get all our mental juices flowing and in the process pass on some creativity to others to help keep the little ones entertained! This should also aid us all in spending a bit of quality time with our children/grandchildren etc no mater what their age

Whether it will work remains to be seen but it will only work if every one contributes and I REALLY hope you do.

The idea is this - I will set a "theme" each week (please feel free to make suggestions) and during the course of the week you need sit down with your kids and complete a creative project with them based on that theme - this can be in any format, be it paper, paint, sticking and gluing, cakes and bakes it doesn't mater what materials you choose to use as long as you create something with them. When you have take a picture, write about it and post it on your blog. You could write about what you made or why you made it or it could be instructional to recreate your project or even just about the experience of doing the activity with your children.

Then email your blog links to me on lifewithmy2boys@yahoo.co.uk and I will post a list of all the links on my blog the following week.

I think as it was the Sticky Fingers blog that inspired this idea and its all about possibly getting a bit messy with your children it seems appropriate to name it the "Sticky Fingers Challenge"

So I guess the first thing I need to do is set a theme for this week - As the sun is out and we are all baking hot I guess a summer theme is appropriate so how about "the beach"

I REALLY hope to get lots of emails and I will post all the links I receive next Wednesday and set next weeks them.

Good Luck everyone.....I need to go and get thinking!

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What a couple of weeks!

I knew the 6 weeks school holidays were going to be tough this year, being Elliott's first, but we are just into our second week and WOW it has been REALLY REALLY hard!

Elliott has taken to not having playschool extremely badly and this coupled with heat and the terrible 2's has made his behaviour go through the floor! We have had it all, throwing things, tantrums, biting, spitting, you name it - he has been delightful!

So this is why there haven't been any updates, its just taking so much to get through the day with him at the moment that I cant even think straight and by the time he goes to bed I'm out like a light myself.  Thursday night the cavalry will arrive for a couple of days in the shape of Nanny and Grandad so this will give me a chance to breath a little and work out a plan of action for the following week so that boredom and bad behaviour do not set in full time.

I did however get REALLY brave (or desperate) last week and take BOTH children on my own to the local shopping centre and cinema for the afternoon - I haven't braved this yet because of Elliott's habit of throwing tantrums and running away! I have to say that it actually went better than I dared imagine and I even braved only taking the single buggy!!!!! I carried Sam in the sling until we got there and Elliott fell asleep in the buggy on the way to the bus. When we arrived Elliott woke up and had a MASSIVE tantrum because as his eyes opened, before I even knew he was awake, his eyes had fallen upon a Buzz Lightyear bubble bath and he wanted it; trouble was he was kicking and screaming so loudly that I hadn't got a clue what it was he was after in the first place! I decided to just ignore the tantrum, he was strapped into the buggy, safe and not in a state to be reasoned with so I left him to it until he began to calm down. After that he was actually mainly good all afternoon; before he got out of the buggy and I put Sam in I explained to him the rules, that he had to be good, hold my hand (even though he was on reins) etc and he pretty much stuck to them with lots of encouragement a long the way - the only trouble was that I had to focus so much on Elliott that I felt Sam was ignored most of the time so defiantly going to take the rear facing buggy next time and squash Elliott in it if I have to put him in there.

The film we chose to see was Cars 2, Elliott REALLY enjoyed it as it was very action packed and loud making sure it grabbed his attention. I hadn't quite thought this one through though because I forgot that poor Sam only had little ears so kept covering them up during the noisy bits to protect them. It cost a small fortune to take them especially as I decided to get the "wider" "VIP" seats because of having the baby with me and needing to feed him during the film, we were at the Vue Cinema in Lakeside and small tip DON'T bother paying the extra money! They aren't that much wider and too close to the screen so it actually hurt my eyes.

So I guess the question at the moment is what are my plans. Well Elliott can not continue to behave the way he has been so this has to be nipped in the bud NOW before it becomes a bigger issue later. Plan A is to get his bedtime routine sorted and him in bed at a good hour every night, this will be happening as of next week and I will blog about the experience as well as explain why it is we have gotten to this point with him and also about his sleep disorder. Plan B is to establish a day time routine so that he knows what is happening everyday and therefore is a bit more secure. We are also going to be sorting out our garden so that he can go outside and play and I am going to be scouting around for some fun things we can do at home.

On the blogging front I also have some product reviews coming up -

The first is for Bambino Mio who have challenged us to use on reusable nappy a day for a week!

We will also be testing out a few products from the wonderful people over at Nuby as well as the possibility of a big review coming our way also so watch this space on that one!

At the moment in time BOTH my children are actually sleeping so I am going to take advantage and make myself the first cup of tea I have had today as well as tidy Elliotts bedroom and change his sheets; exciting stuff! LOL

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It's Been A Little Quiet

I appoligise for the lack of posts this past week - its been one of those weeks where nothing much has happened but it never seemed to stop long enough for me to update my blog. My Laptop was unusable for a couple of days, which didnt help, and it was Elliotts last day of playschool for the academic year last Friday and everything seemed to be gearing up for that.

But this is a brand new week, its Monday and we are sitting in waiting for a courier care od Dorel Customer Services to come and collect our Maxi Cosi Axis car seat, which has potentially developed a fault. I have to say the service I have always recieved from Dorel has always been second to none - We previously had a problem with our car seat, which on the whole we are very pleased with, and to say that Dorel bent over backwards, went above and beyond the call of duty is an understatement. Now we have more problems here they are again coming to collect the seat and get it seen to just in case this minor problem turns out to be a major comprimise to the seats safety in an accident. I dont normally name names but we have very few customer service heros out there and so on this occasion I will say that we have been taken care of by Noel Seabrooke and Laura Parker over there and they are staff Maxi Cosi should be proud to have representing them!

So that having been said I'm going to pop on a new product review on a seperate posting and also find out what this weeks Gallery challange is!

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Yo Ho Ho!!!!

Elliott and Sam went to a pirate and princess party this afternoon - here they are dressed up for the occasion!


Captain Squishy!




Pirate Pob!



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This was too good not to share!

The conversation went like this ...
Elliott: "lollypop" (as in I want a lollypop)
Me: "No Elliott you've had ice cream and you are going to have your dinner soon"
Elliott: "No dinner, lollypop"
Me: "Elliott I've said no, you've already had ice cream"
Elliott: "LOLLYPOP!"

At this point I decided to leave him to sulk for a minute while I called my husband so not to envoke a major tantrum; 2 minutes later I found him like this....


Dont worry he is breathing he is just ASLEEP on the kitchen floor! Sometimes the force of tiredness is just too strong to fight!


Being the good mother that I am I have to admit that he is still there! - Well actually in Elliotts case its a bit more complicated than that as he suffers with a sleep disorder but that is a story for another day.

This got me thinking - have your children fallen asleep anywhere unusual? Please email the pictures to lifewithmy2boys@yahoo.co.uk and next week I will put a gallery on my blog of the best ones - any fellow bloggers can you include the link to your blog so I can include that also

UPDATE -- 10 mins after posting he woke up...rolled over and went back to sleep!



Oh I should really point out that he came out of school looking like that! - apparently they had been playing with soil and planting flowers!

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The Gallery - The Buggy Mum and THE BUS!

Elliott on the bus, clutching his ticket on his way to his first afternoon at playschool

To me these days travel sadly doesn't entail jetting off to foreign climes and embarking on international adventures - travel means getting from a to b with two young children in tow.

This is all easier said than done especially as, at present, I don't drive and during the week we are at the mercy of good old Transport for London!!

WARNING MOAN ALERT!!!!

First of all I fully believe that ANYONE who is training to be a bus driver should be made to travel for a day on buses with a single buggy, a double buggy and a wheelchair so to best appreciate how difficult bus drivers make it for travelers. In case I have anyone of influence reading these words here are a few do's and don'ts

DON'T pull the bus up so far away from the kerb that a mum is forced to ether pick up the whole buggy to lift it out of the bus (not always possible) or angle her child so vertical to get them down onto the road that they are practically falling out of the buggy -- it's even worse with a pram as the baby isn't even strapped in!

Also DON'T park at an angle where the bus is too far away from the kerb to be able to get the buggy on the pavement and too close to it to be able to get the buggy onto the road

If you pull up badly to then realise someone is trying to get off of the bus with a buggy DO close the doors and maneuver the bus into a better position rather than tut because its a struggle for the passenger

DO use that marvelous up and down button to lower the bus to get the buggy off

DO wait just a minute or so to make sure a mum has managed to park the buggy in the allocated space and PUT THE BRAKE ON BEFORE moving off! - trying to angle, park and lock a buggy on a moving bus is extremely difficult

DO drive around tight corners with more care when there are buggys on board - I had a buggy with a weak brake system which would unlock itself on roundabouts and corners when the driver was going to fast. Worse than that however was actually when we upgraded our buggy to one with a superb brake system; the driver decided to rush around a very tight roundabout and tipped my rear facing buggy over into the aisle with Elliott attached - he was 4 months old - to add insult to injury leads on to my next point...

When you tip a buggy over DO STOP THE BUS to make picking the child up possible!! It took 3 of us to pick a screaming Elliott up off of the floor and right the buggy and despite the passengers yelling at the driver to stop the bus because he had thrown the baby over he just kept on going - he was later disciplined by the bus company as apparently was another driver who did the same thing to a 10 week old baby!

DO allow double buggy users to use the central doors to get the buggy on without arguing about it.

Also DON'T refuse to take a passenger because they have a double buggy and it wont fit down the aisle going in through the front doors! This happened to me the other day, the driver REFUSED point blank to allow my children on the bus because he said if the buggy wouldn't fit down the extremely narrow aisle then it wouldn't fit in the allocated space for it, I assured him that my double was not only narrow enough to fit through my front door but we always travel on the bus and that's how we got there in the first place. He accused me of "making it up" and told me he would not open the central doors or allow me on the bus with "that thing"! This resulted in us waiting another 20 minutes for another bus with Elliott kicking off because he was bored and wanting to get out of the buggy to run around next to a busy main road and Sam crying for a feed!

When the bus already has too many buggys on it and another needs to get on DO ask the existing passengers if any of them can fold their buggy up BEFORE refusing to take anyone else - Before Sam was born we were on the bus and someone with a sleeping child had to take their toddler out of their buggy and fold the buggy up or the driver wouldn't have taken them. If we had been asked before it happened I could have taken a very awake Elliott out of his buggy and folded it instead.

The government want to get people out of their cars and onto public transport but until they start to address even these minor points it is always going to be the preferable and less stressful option for parents just to jump into the car - not to mention cheaper!

So this ends our first entry into the gallery - please feel free to comment I would love to hear what others think!

Oh pants!!!!! - I just realised that its actually THURSDAY and this was supposed to be in on Wednesday - oh well onto next weeks I guess!

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